I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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