do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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