i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
