I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
