no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
