Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
