If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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