i would punch a child for taco bell
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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