i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
