he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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