Fine. I'll sleep in my office
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
