it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
