Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize