god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
