If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
