this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
