Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
