a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
