Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
