I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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