This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
