Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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