On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
