I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
