My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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