to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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