You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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