What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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