3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
well you can't waste a boner
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
