Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
