I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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