i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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