I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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