So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
