...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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