"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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