Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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