i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
