ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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