What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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