Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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