he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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