i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
