grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
