I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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