1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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