i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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