Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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