so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
