i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
