I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize