I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
