it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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