Buhtt sex?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
