i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
