There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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