hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
