dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
