If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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