If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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