I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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