ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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