we have pet lesbian snakes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
