I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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