Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
