omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
