plz talk dirty to me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
