Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
