i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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