Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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