is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
