I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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