God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
